8 minThis blog was written by Kari - De Groene Mama - in collaboration with VitaminFit. In this blog, Kari shares her experiences and tips for finding peace and relaxation in December. Curious to hear her story? Then read on!
As I write this, my daughters are unexpectedly home from school for the day. So much for my peaceful morning of writing. On the very day I have to write a blog about finding peace and relaxation amid the hustle and bustle of the festive season, I have to juggle motherhood with work. But it doesn't surprise me. When I had to write a blog about self-care, I didn't feel like taking good care of myself at all that day. But because that blog was on the agenda, I did it anyway, and it gave me a lot of insights. And on the day my blog about the transition to autumn was scheduled, it was 28 degrees and sunny. So, of course, I'm not writing this blog about quietening down and slowing down during Advent in peace and quiet, but while my lovely daughters are frolicking around me.
I think back to this morning, when the three of us were lying in bed and it became clear that they weren't going to school. The eldest's teacher is ill and the youngest isn't feeling well herself. We were lying cosily and warmly together. All our limbs were entwined under and between layers of wool. For a moment, I saw my day falling apart. But when I brought myself back to the moment, to the here and now, I felt something completely different. I smelled my toddler's fluffy hair, felt my eldest daughter's arms wrapped around me and heard their sweet voices chatting softly to me. Instead of having to jump out of bed at 6:30 a.m. to carry out the well-oiled morning ritual, we could stay in bed. Instead of filling vegan bento boxes, preparing breakfast, handing out vitamin drops, braiding hair, brushing teeth, saying ‘put on your shoes’ (x6) and rushing through the cold on the cargo bike, we stayed warm indoors, whispering to each other in the dark and cuddling until our tummies started to rumble. If that's not slowing down...
Every year it comes back, as a natural counterbalance to the hustle and bustle of autumn: the deep desire to slow down and be still during Advent, the transition to winter. I recognise that desire for rest and regeneration in the nature around me. Like a flower bulb underground preparing for spring. Like a tree that sheds its leaves for a while, so that the energy it has can be used in the right way. Like an animal that hibernates or rests during winter. But I also find the silence difficult. After a few busy months, it really is time for a different pace. I am trying to give shape to that this month by consciously celebrating and experiencing Advent with my daughters. But also by taking cold showers and cold dips every Wednesday morning, thereby influencing the stress responses of my body and mind.
These extremely cold experiences are helping me to cope better with stress in my daily life and to relax more easily. But also by planning my work well, so that I can take two weeks' holiday during the festive season and really come to a complete standstill. From that standstill and rest, space can be created for something new. Just as it happens in nature: after a period of hibernation, there is plenty of room again for the bubbling, growing, blooming and bursting of spring. That's why it wasn't entirely in my plans: the children at home today.
I had decided that I was going to go full throttle, meet deadlines, and give it my all so that I could take a holiday and make the peace and quiet I long for a reality. But what you long for doesn't always come in the form you had imagined; sometimes it comes in the form you need. Because the girls weren't going to school, we were forced to slow down, quiet down and stay indoors. As I type, the girls are happily drawing at the craft table while listening to an audiobook by Astrid Lindgren. The house is a mess, we are all still in our pyjamas and onesies, and it remains to be seen whether I will be able to tick off all my “to-dos” today. But I don't feel stressed. Everything feels as it should be.
My tips for relaxing during Advent
After a busy day, at the end of the afternoon I write down everything I've done that day in a notebook. My “done list”, as a counterbalance to my long “to-do lists”. I also write down what's still on my mind. My worries. Because I write it all down before I go to sleep, I don't have to worry about it at night. I also write down three things I'm grateful for. Gratitude is important to me all year round, but during Advent I try to be even more aware of what I'm grateful for.
For a while now, I have been using a spike mat to relax. Of course, they are not real spikes, but sharp lotus-shaped pressure points on a mat and cushion. The pressure points in the mat provide deep relaxation through acupressure. You can do this during the day and in the evening, and it works almost immediately. You can even take your mat with you when you're out and about during the festive season and take a minute or 10 for yourself between the festivities.
Screens cause a lot of unrest. Your phone and television bombard you with non-stop stimuli, causing your brain to constantly send the signal “you have to do something with this!”. Get rid of those screens and enjoy reading a book: for me, that's one of the most effective ways to relax.
Before I go to sleep, I take 20 drops of valerian with lemon balm. This combination does not affect my ability to concentrate, but it does help me cope better with stress and tension and sleep better. Valerian is a natural tranquilliser that has been used for centuries and is a very accessible way to give yourself some support in busy or stressful times or if you have trouble sleeping.
Mindfulness in everyday life also helps me to slow down. So instead of rushing to do the washing up or filling the lunchboxes, I do it calmly with classical music playing and conscious actions. My breathing is the foundation I always return to. Other mindfulness activities in daily life include walking to the shops instead of cycling, hanging up or folding the laundry while listening to a relaxing podcast, instead of rushing through it between other tasks.
Saying no. It's not always easy. I still have a lot to learn when it comes to saying “no”. But it's so rewarding when I do. If you find it difficult to say no (for example, to social situations during the festive season that you don't really feel like attending), try saying: ‘I'll think about it and get back to you tomorrow’, ‘Thank you for the invitation! I'll let you know if we can make it’, ‘I'll discuss it and get back to you’. This gives you time to feel what you really want. In December, many people feel ‘stuck’ in beliefs about ‘who they should do what with’. But you can decide for yourself which traditions are important to you and how you want to shape them. I hope this is the gift you give yourself this year!
